You've heard it a thousand times, haven't you? "Just let it go." "Move on." "Stay positive!" Everything happens for a reason." "At least it wasn't worse." And every time someone says it, you smile. You nod. You pretend it helps. But inside you're screaming. Because you can't just get over it. You've tried. God knows you've tried. You've pushed it down, ignored it, and told yourself to be stronger. You repeatedly think more positively and try your best to just… move on. And yet, here you are. You’re still carrying it. And feeling it. You’re still unable to shake the weight of something that happened months, years, maybe even decades ago.
You start to wonder… ‘what's wrong with me? Why can't I do what everyone else seems to find so easy?’ But there’s a reason why you can't "just get over it". And today you’ll finally understand why that's actually perfect.
The reason you can't "just get over it" isn't because you're weak, broken, or failing at life. It's because you were never taught how to actually process what happened to you.
We live in a culture that treats emotional processing like it's a light switch. Something happens, you feel bad for a bit, then you flip the switch and move on. Done. Sorted. Next. But that's not how humans work. That's not how you work. When something significant happens to you, what I call a Life Bomb, it doesn't just affect your day or your mood. It affects your body, your nervous system, your sense of safety, your understanding of yourself and the world around you.
A Life Bomb might be:
These aren't small things. We’re not meant to “just get over it” quickly. These life bombs are meant to be understood. But instead of being taught how to understand them, we're taught to:
This pattern starts early. So early, most of us don't even remember learning it. Think back to childhood. What happened when you cried? Maybe you were told, "You're okay, don't cry." Maybe you were told, "Big girls/boys don't cry." Maybe you were told, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."
The message was clear. Your feelings are inconvenient, too much, or need to be controlled. So in adulthood you learned to control them. You learned to push them down and smile when you were sad, to say "I'm fine" when you weren't, and to keep going when you needed to stop. You learned that other people's comfort was more important than your truth. Which means now you abandon yourself and your emotions.
The adults around you were continuing to pass these harmful ways down. Yes, it wasn’t your fault. And just because it's not your fault, doesn't mean it's not affecting you and your life experiences now.
When most people hear the word "grief," they think of death. Someone dies, you grieve, eventually you move on. But grief is so much bigger than that. Grief is what happens when we lose something that mattered to us. Usually in a life-changing event. You grieve:
All of these losses deserve to be grieved. They deserve to be acknowledged, felt, processed, and understood. But we're not taught how to do that. We're taught to "just get over it" and "move on." So, we don't grieve. We just… carry it. All of it. Every loss, every disappointment, every Life Bomb that we never processed. And we wonder why we feel so heavy. Why we feel so tired. Why we can't seem to bounce back like everyone else.
Let me paint you a picture. You wake up, and before your eyes even open, it's there. That tightness in your chest. That mental checklist already spinning: What could go wrong today? What am I forgetting? What's the next thing that's going to blow up my life? Even when things are going well, especially when things are going well, you can't relax. Because you know. You know it won't last. "Things are too good right now. Something bad is coming." This isn't pessimism. This isn't you being negative or ungrateful.
This is your nervous system trying to protect you from being blindsided again. Because last time something big happened, you didn't see it coming. You didn't know how to handle it. You fell apart, and it was terrifying. So now, your nervous system has decided ‘never again’. We're going to watch for danger constantly. We're going to control everything we can control. We're going to make sure we're never caught off guard like that again. This is why you:
Overthink every decision – Say yes when you mean no – People-please until you're empty – Make your world smaller and smaller – Live in a constant state of low-grade anxiety – Feel like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop Your nervous system isn't broken. **It's doing exactly what it's supposed to do: trying to keep you safe.** The problem is, it's trying to keep you safe from something that already happened. And in doing so, it's keeping you from actually living.
What most people don't realize about Life Bombs. They're not punishments. They're not proof you're unlucky. They're not evidence that life is against you. Life Bombs are pauses. Redirections. Invitations to see your life from a completely different perspective. They're opportunities to:
Reconnect with your truth – Understand what you're really working on in this life – See the bigger picture of your story – Recognize patterns you've been repeating – Make different choices moving forward – Come home to yourself But you can only see this when you understand them. When you take the time to actually process what happened, why it happened, and what it means for you.
When you don't understand your Life Bombs, they become: – Proof that life is unfair – Evidence that you're unlucky – Reasons to trust life less – Reasons to trust yourself less – Patterns that keep repeating – Wounds that never heal.
When you do understand your Life Bombs, they become: – Insights into your soul's journey – Clarity about what you're working on – Tools for self-empowerment – Opportunities for growth – Reasons to trust yourself more – Freedom to live authentically
The difference between these two experiences isn't about positive thinking or "reframing." It's about genuine understanding. To do this, you need to update the threat assessment that’s in a holding pattern in your body. This means:
When you do this work, something shifts. Your body starts to relax. Not because you're forcing it to, but because it genuinely feels safer. Because you've shown yourself that you can handle things. That you have tools. That you're not going to abandon yourself anymore.
Today, you get to make a different choice. You get to stop trying to "just get over it." You get to stop pretending you're fine when you're not. You get to stop abandoning yourself to make other people comfortable. You get to start understanding your Life Bombs instead of just surviving them. You get to start to see and experience things differently.
There’s freedom waiting for you. Imagine waking up without that tightness in your chest. Imagine making decisions without overthinking every possible outcome. Or saying no when you mean no, and yes when you mean yes. Or even feeling curious about life instead of scared of it. What would it be like to trust yourself to handle whatever comes next. This isn't fantasy. This is what happens when you understand your Life Bombs and learn to support yourself through them. This is what happens when you come home to yourself. And it all starts with understanding.
