Uncertain times calls for greater equilibrium
Let me know if you resonate with anything in this one…
The biggest challenge I have personally risen to time and time again in the last two years is being able to notice when I feel as though I’m “going down“.
In these moments I feel as though my hyper-vigilance is amped up to the max. And on quite a few occasions I was actually experiencing dissociation.
Yep it had kept me safe all these years. But in the depth of all the uncertainty, I wanted to feel secure, confident and able to choose to maintain my sense of equilibrium. No matter what.
As I became grace under fire, each time starring down the flames in these moments that threatened to reduce me to ashes. I gradually created the pause to engage from 4th gear to neutral to observe.
I realised that I certainly had been relying on old patterns, habits and crutches that helped me survive from ‘before’.
And that I had been hiding this so strongly every day to ‘fit in’ and ‘act normal’ that it was exhausting me.
This was social emotional exhaustion at the deepest depths.
This exhaustion often came from me unconsciously emulating the approach of others.
Contributing to spaces in the hope of being liked.
Always being just a little bit not me.
Leading with my not self.
All in my wish to belong.