You know that feeling when you're going through the motions of your day… smiling at family dinner, getting ready for work, ticking off your to-do list. But that inside there's this quiet whisper saying something's not right? And so, almost immediately, you shut it down. You tell yourself to stop being dramatic. You remind yourself that other people have it worse off. You push that inner voice away because, honestly, you don't even know what it is anyway.
That feeling isn't you being ridiculous. It's not you being ungrateful or selfish. It's actually something really important that's trying to get your attention. And in dismissing it, it just gets louder. That internal monologue doesn't go away.
The question here with this self-talk isn't "What's wrong with me?". It's "What's this feeling trying to tell me?"
We've been taught to push through, and to keep going. To be quiet and not make a fuss. Especially when life looks "good enough" from the outside. However, if you get that sense of not recognising yourself anymore, then that's disconnection you're feeling. It's important to listen to what it's saying to you. Cause it's your inner truth trying to break through all the noise of what you should be doing, feeling, or wanting.
But the first step isn't to fix it or even fully understand it yet. It's simply to not shut it down. Give yourself permission to acknowledge that something feels off without immediately judging yourself for it. You don't need to have all the answers right now. You can just start listening in. What’s your inner voice, your inner speech saying to you?
When was the last time you checked in with yourself about what you really want? Not what your partner needs, or what your kids expect. And not what your boss demands. But what you actually need. If you're reading this and struggling to answer that, you're definitely not alone. Most of us have spent so long supporting everyone else that we've forgotten how to support ourselves.
We show up for everyone. We listen, help, fix, and we give brilliant advice. All the while, there's this little voice in the back of our heads saying, I should do this for myself. But for some reason we don't. In doing that though, we're unknowingly abandoning ourselves. Not because we want to of course. But because we've been taught that if we put ourselves first it's selfish.
It's time we unlearned that. Self-support isn't selfish. In fact, for people who've spent their whole lives taking care of other people first, it's essential in supporting their self-esteem. Unlearning starts with one simple question, "What do I actually need right now?". It doesn't cost anything to start even. Just ask yourself that one question. And more importantly, give yourself permission to answer it honestly.
You don't need to wait for a life bomb. You don't need the health scare, a relationship breakdown, or a career crisis to start paying attention to yourself. Checking in can start right now. It’s an inner experience. You can start with just noticing the patterns, feelings, or the moments when you feel disconnected or lost.
These self-reflection moments aren't about fixing what's broken in you. Cause nothing is broken in you. They're about understanding what's true for you. It’s space to hear your personal perspective. They're also about creating space to hear yourself clearly, without all the external noise telling you who you should be and what you should be doing. When you are able to start doing that regularly, you begin to recognise your own voice again. And hear that inner thought. You can start to trust yourself. And you find that in reality life is actually supporting you.
*If you're reading this and thinking, Yes, this is me. I feel this, then I want you to know that you're not alone, and things can be different for you. That feeling you've been pushing down? It's not a problem. It's an invitation. An invitation to reconnect with yourself, to understand your story, and to find clarity in what you actually want moving forward.
You deserve to feel at home in your own life. You deserve to know yourself deeply and support yourself fully. And if you're ready to create that space for yourself, the Come Back to You retreat might just be the place where it all starts to make sense.
